People at our church would say I cant believe your husband lets you do that. My husband would laugh and laugh. Ahh, I was wondering where he found all these friends. I got sent there about a year and a half ago and I was thrilled (and my husband was happy for me). Hehesitated, but agreed.Onthe third day ofthe vacation, his parents, brothers, and their spouses were all sitting atatable outside whileI was preparing afruit salad. We look out for each other. Its either anxiety or abuse, or both, or neither; and none of those things address the husbands *behaviour* or the OPs next steps. Nah, its not legal in Reno either their county did not legalize it. If youre not going during SXSW or Austin City Limits, you can get hotel rooms consistently for less than $200 in Austin. Out alone after dark = commuting to a job that has normal office hours. Husband doesn't want to go on family vacation I only want to know if hes going to be out so that Im not expecting him and can therefore do something else. I gave the ring back soon after. Ive done that before too, and it was invaluable in setting healthy boundaries in a sane, functional manner. This is actually a place where marriage counseling can be extremely useful. I definitely recommend Captain Awkward too for assistancence (she, Allison, and Doctor Nerdlove need to be together one day). Of course people can get into trouble in Las Vegas. I hope that isnt what this turns out to be, but whatever it is, its not good. His friends also wouldnt let their wives go? I dont think that would help the situation, however. Funnily enough, I never cheated, never had my drink spiked or got kidnapped during these excisions to sin city. We are both off work for the summer so we can easily split up the car ride and stop and get a hotel for the night along the way. Did I stand out? Yes, this. Its fine. OP, I want to add a data point to counter his everyone agrees with me! comment. The hotel was phenomenal, though! So, OPs husband would be fine if she was going on a business trip to Dullsville or Normalville or even New York City, but because shes going to Vegas, specifically, he has an issue. Leave your spouse for a week of leisure travel, wrong? In the places where its legal, its still only legal at licensed brothelsof which there are 24 in the entire state. A difficult or stressful situation with in-laws can cause undue stress and anxiety, making you feel rejected and undervalued. In summer it doesnt really get properly dark at all, and not until after midnight. I obviously dont TELL people I have these thoughts because it tends to freak people out! If it were me I would be seriously considering leaving the relationship especially if there are not already kids. Id be wondering if it isnt time to reconsider the marriage. Meanwhile their actual problem is almost ignored. And yeah, if one doesnt leave the primary resort where the conference is, almost zero worry of bad experiences/people. So thank you for the comments. If you must have discussion, have them *later*, when everyone is calm. She wrote: His main objection is the fact that the trip is located in Las Vegas. Or the wife, for that matter. I wanted to comment on the everyone I talked to agrees with me stance hes taken. Does he not control other things about your life OP? Vegas flights and hotels are cheap compared to anywhere else with their size convention/conference space. Actually those are not the only two choices. It is obvious that anyone who says that has never been here, because there arent even that many people who are obviously Muslims living here. It blows my mind that people see this as acceptable behaviour. He doesnt have to be consciously choosing thesetheyre already out there. On the one hand, youd have to be very clear that hed be on his own while youre in all those meetings/conferences/etc and that you cant spend that time with him but, on the other hand, it may be worthwhile to relieve his stress and anxiety. If you leave it as a well go eventually and never book it, and also never talk about it, things are gonna get worse. First, therapy is good, but medication is faster. And voila- you're on the coast! Her explanation was that she knew that the sun set around 4:15ish at that time of year and it was dark outside, therefore I should be inside. My dad goes around the world: Spain, Taiwan, Japan and he spends it all on a commercial ship fixing the radar, sonar, ormcomputer. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationcomo llegar a los alpes franceses husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. My take is that the uptick is in reporting and discussion, not the behavior itself. Id also check out books such as When Panic Attacks and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living Life. If you have time to arrange a therapist, try to meet with several and then pick the one that is the best fit. I might go if it were for a show I wanted to see that I couldnt attend anywhere else, or if I had to go for work. When I hear wholesome I picture a stereotypical 50s scene with aprons and apple pie and gee golly instead of swearing. You deserveit! You have to go because if you refuse, that will absolutely jeopardize your standing in the company. There are lots of places in the country where the approach the OP describes is perfectly normal, and where its a lot harder work to find somebody who disagrees. He does worry about my safety. And the Flamingo is fun because its what I imagine the trashy, gaudy old Vegas was like so when Im there I pretend Im like a mobsters wife or something. My partner has some anxiety when I travel to remote, rural areas by car, especially when I am alone. He needs to get help and you need to do whats best for you and your career (and your sanity!). One reputation of the city, deliberately played up in media, is that it is a raunchy sin city full of gamboling, sex, and wild parties. I was also married to this man. I feel a sudden need to greet my husband at the door tonight and give him a big hug. I dont want men to dismiss womens fears, but I have personally had more experience with the opposite men deciding to tell me why I cant/shouldnt do something adventurous. I know its forbidden to comment on typos, but the gamboling is perfect! I have a friend that refuses to go to Vegas because he believes its the modern Sodom and Gomorrah. I was fine. We stayed at the Excalibur (the kids LOVED staying in a castle, saw the jousting show, the MGM Lions, the aquarium at Mandalay Bay, and we also took them to play games at Circus Circus. I made this comment on the most recent one of those! But yes, OP, this does smell of jealousy. Im not a fan of Las Vegas (i.e., cigarette smoke, gambling, drinking), but many (perhaps all?) Ifthis isjust aone-time thing, and heusually shares himself freely with you, then itmay betime for him tolook atwhy hedidnt want you there inthe first place. For sure gamboling DOES occur in Vegas, same as gambling :). Hope you will enjoy the holiday! Its natural to want to care for your partner. He loves listening to me talk about my trips and my hobbies and adventures, and I love hearing him talk about how he spends hours painting toy soldiers. If he refuses because everyone who goes to Vegas becomes adulterous instantly and HE doesnt want that to happen to HIM then you have a completely different issue from he refuses to let her go at all because He Said So. The worrying about her cheating leads me to consider there might be a problem with control/abuse, possibly. ), but she saw danger everywhere. I only left the conference hotel a couple of times, always with a group, and we were in the touristy area right next to the Gaslamp district anyway. Heres to many years of not feeling needless guilt. How To Travel Alone Without Ruining Your Marriage! Because were not one being known collectively as The Couple, were two individuals who just really like each other, but also respect each others autonomy. There is plenty to do in Las Vegas that has nothing to do with sin and can be done in any big city (restaurants, shopping, going to theater, etc.). I was just coming here to ask if she asked him to Turn his key!. Because thats the only possible response to that stunt. He is obviously in distress, and rational or not, that is a bigger problem than just whether OP should go on her business trip. Husband is not fair when it comes to my family (his inlaws). I would idd consider flying. When I was there, I went to museums, saw a few shows, visited a shopping centerall during the day (except the shows) and safe. When I was in grad school my mom once had a fit that I was walking home from class at around 4:45 pm on a random Tuesday evening. Well discuss, compromise, agree to disagree, but I do NOT need permission. THANK you. You can get really great meals there. You sound like a real piece of work. But Im not at all confident this is the source of the husbands issues :(. My mom is convinced that as soon as the sun goes down, everyone is a drunk driver. Also deploying the well everyone else thinks youre wrong too thing is a really immature way to work through a disagreement. After my husband and I boarded the plane, I began my ritual of praying . If my wife was going off just to gamble and get wasted with other dudes Id be against that too., I highly doubt he posed it as My wifes company keeps taking business trips to Las Vegas. The letter writer husband is waving some pretty sizable red flags. If the boundaries within a family are so entangled (by normative American standards), it really is an asset to the couple when their partner has the skills to navigate those extended relationships. Whats not real is all these horrible things Im imagining happening to her. It IS super pricey though!! I do think its a leap to assume the husbands anxiety is the kind you get in GAD, but basically the comments are full of armchair diagnoses and I was exasperated. Biking to work? I suppose OP knows her own husband best, theres a chance inviting him along would be an offer of Good Faith to show that theres really nothing all that bad about Sin City. It can be challenging to know when to kind of cater to her anxiety (she is able to relax much better if I check the door locks before bed than if she does it, so I do it but never more than once a night), and when to decide that her worry about a particular issue has passed the point where I can be supportive and is just on her to manage (I refuse to provide reassurance for a 7th round of what if this offhand comment I made at work was overheard by the wrong person and totally misinterpreted and I get fired and then I cant find another job and then we lose the house?). In NYC? I currently live in a part of London that Ive heard described as a no-go area for those reasons. Its bizarre to talk about letting another adult do anythingtalk about patronizing. Ive only been to Vegas twice. Like, do you think he really did take an opinion poll? with his friends, not you. Yes, we were taking advantage of the fact that 19/20 year olds can go to the pub in the UK, but we were still hanging out with the professor while we did so. The kidnaps, cheating, etc etc that COULD happen in Vegas (with about as much chance as being struck by lightning) are all just scare tactics to convince YOU to stay home and desire his protection from the big, bad world. Im surprised that you specify *rural* Saudi Arabia given that Saudi Arabia is one of the least egalitarian countries in the world, with virtually no freedom of religion. apply jobappnetwork com elior; farmington, ct homes for sale by owner LWs spouse is overreacting for sure. She and I have spoken about it, in part because I travel without my husband a lot, including to family stuff. Agreeded theres some heavy selection bias in that sample. And of course brains being not rational, could be a whole soup of something bad will happen which combines kidnapping, cheating, meeting someone else and Vegas-marrying them despite already being marriedregardless, I think OP should go on the trip. Co-worker had a wonderful time. And then a few answers like well, I wouldnt exactly be happy and yes, Jane needs nine hours of sleep every night and Id really miss her can be heard as my friends wouldnt like it either. From there, LWs husband might turn even one joking Id tell her she had to stay home, they cant make her go into I asked my friends, and they wouldnt let their wives do that, and might not even realize that this wasnt what all of his friends thought or how their marriages work. Thats an unreasonable stance. And the entertainment options are essentially endless. should I tell my coworker about our colleagues criminal record, I deeply regret joining my companys leadership program, and more, my company is cutting my overworked teams pay as punishment for mistakes. It ended up taking us 16 hours, but I didn't think it was bad at all. Post author By ; impossible burger font Post date July 1, 2022; southern california hunting dog training . I mean, it isnt like he is supporting them. If a person hasnt had much of a chance (or desire) to go to different places, your impression of them is far different than the reality. Ive also recently spent a weekend away with a close friend at a lake for a swimming event, and numerous overnight trips to see my family or friends in other parts of the country. It probably wont improve the relationship to say this directly to him, but it is definitely something to keep in mind. He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go. Why do you feel this way?. One thing I will mention about Vegas is that yes, like anywhere else, things can happen in regards to safety, but that city is so patrolled. Yeah. You dont get PERMISSION, you agree that something is good, or you dont, but this bs about him letting you go on a work trip is just gross. If you can get that sort of perspective before the trip, that would be great. Maybe there are some things about himself orhis relationship with you that need some work. And if I only believed he was in danger because I have anxiety I cant control, this wouldnt help at allin fact, it would probably make the anxiety worse. I wouldnt want him to go with work but only because I wouldnt want him to go without me, its our place! Stay at Luxor for dirt cheap, or Mandalay Bay for the pool. And people are all I wouldnt let my wife go we have done bigger problems here. LW, my husband would be honestly fine with me going to Vegas. Yes, but trailer park crimes are good, upstanding crimes like cooking meth and domestic violence, and obviously those crimes are less dangerous to bystanders than being attacked by a sex criminal just for walking down the street. Ifyoure feeling left out, that means something iswrong. When I was in Vegas I called my husband 3 maybe 4 times a day during my breaks because I was so depressed and talking to him made me feel better. Marriage counseling is good for her so she can express her love for me without sounding like a hypochondriac. We always have a good laugh when one of my husbands coworkers asks him, You actually let your wife go away without you? You need a pro to help you guys sort out this tangle and see where to go from here in a way that doesnt actively sabotage your career because of his irrational behavior. But not the end of the world. Omg that sounds so much like my mom. Sogoahead and book that trip, and then make sure you spend asmuch time relaxing aspossible before your departure. That doesnt seem fair! Im sorry I love my wife and Ive been to Vegas myself and my wife hasnt traveled that much. This is a case where you cannot cater to his anxiety or insecurity. Is it indulging in a pleasurable vice? Ioverheard mymother-in-law say, Did she really have nowhere else togo. OP can call out her husband by offering to buy a $1MM (or whatever number) life insurance policy for the duration of the vegas trip. I agree with the counseling suggestion. In my family its my mother (yay genetics! What happens in Vegas was a successful ad campaign that ran its course a long time ago, not a requirement for how to treat the trip. Ive been to very big conferences in cities that cant really handle them, and its obnoxious to have to wait in line for 30 minutes to get coffee or make a hotel room reservation months and months in advance. Im pretty sure most religious counselors would see the ridiculousness of his position too. What is wrong with people? While I was away, he made me upset the whole time with his anxiety of what-ifs and what-nots. This screams abuser and it will only get worse. Should I never go anywhere? I know anxiety is a thing, but business travel can really suck- its exhausting, youre away from the comforts of home, etc., so to have your spouse making that worse is just so awful it would be a deal breaker on the relationship for me. Im going to Vegas and thats the end of discussion. He also accused her of sleeping with her boss constantly. I have a friend now who Ill maybe mention that he is going to a business thing and he will badger me where is he? If his anxiety is more travel related than trust related, there may besome reasonable actions you can take together to smooth them out.